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As a homosexual male approaching 50, I’ve spent numerous, largely pleasurable years engaging in spontaneous encounters with other men from my teenage years. During my fourth decade, I had a serious relationship which continued for four years, however I never felt completely content, in that I didn't experience love or sexually nourished. Truthfully, I have always craved casual sex. Whenever I start to date a potential partner, once the newness fades, I always get the urge to have sex with new partners once more.

Reflecting on the Possibility of Monogamy

I am now wondering whether it's possible for me to maintain a monogamous relationship. I understand that numerous gay men engage in non-monogamous arrangements, yet from my observations, they appear demanding, often resulting in significant pain and jealousy for everyone involved. In many ways, I desire a partner to love me while allowing me to pursue other intimacies, but I dread to imagine the emotional drain this would cause. Should I just keep having spontaneous encounters and acknowledge that a lasting partnership is not possible? I’m feeling somewhat confused.

Each individual's intimate path fluctuates. Avoid considering about what you require in partnerships or your capacity to tolerate various forms of sexual unions in a finite way. What you need as you are experiencing them now could easily shift in the future; at a certain time you might become less ambivalent and discover some clarity and a comfortable path … or not. At some point you might meet someone offering a transformative opportunity for you by reflecting what you want in a holistic fashion … and at another point you may choose that non-committal encounters suit you best. Worrying about what lies ahead and playing endless speculation is merely anxiety-based and a waste of your efforts. Aim to stay in the moment with your partners, and see the value of every individual you connect with intimately an intimate bond. If and when the time is right to strengthen true intimacy with a single person, you will know.

• The psychotherapist practices as a US-based psychotherapist focusing on treating intimacy issues.