These Advice shared by A Dad That Rescued Us as a Brand-New Dad

"I think I was merely in survival mode for the first year."

One-time reality TV star Ryan Libbey thought he would to cope with the difficulties of fatherhood.

But the truth rapidly turned out to be "utterly different" to what he pictured.

Severe health problems during the birth resulted in his partner Louise being hospitalised. Abruptly he was thrust into becoming her chief support as well as looking after their newborn son Leo.

"I took on all the nights, each diaper… every walk. The job of both mum and dad," Ryan shared.

After nearly a year he became exhausted. That was when a talk with his father, on a bench in the park, that made him realise he couldn't do it alone.

The direct statement "You are not in a good place. You need assistance. In what way can I assist you?" opened the door for Ryan to speak honestly, ask for help and find a way back.

His situation is commonplace, but rarely discussed. While people is now better used to addressing the stress on moms and about PND, far less attention is paid about the challenges dads face.

'It's not weak to seek assistance

Ryan believes his challenges are symptomatic of a wider reluctance to open up amongst men, who continue to absorb damaging ideas of masculinity.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the rock that just gets smashed and stays upright with each wave."

"It is not a display of failure to seek help. I failed to do that fast enough," he explains.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher who studies mental health before and after childbirth, explains men often don't want to acknowledge they're having a hard time.

They can think they are "not a legitimate person to be asking for help" - most notably in preference to a new mother and infant - but she emphasises their mental state is vitally important to the household.

Ryan's conversation with his dad gave him the opportunity to take a break - taking a few days abroad, separate from the home environment, to see things clearly.

He understood he had to make a adjustment to pay attention to his and his partner's emotional states as well as the practical tasks of taking care of a infant.

When he was honest with Louise, he discovered he'd failed to notice "what she longed for" -holding her hand and hearing her out.

Self-parenting

That realisation has changed how Ryan sees parenthood.

He's now writing Leo letters each week about his experiences as a dad, which he hopes his son will read as he grows up.

Ryan thinks these will enable his son to more fully comprehend the vocabulary of emotion and interpret his parenting choices.

The idea of "self-parenting" is something artist Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four.

During his childhood Stephen was without stable male guidance. Despite having an "incredible" connection with his dad, deep-held difficult experiences resulted in his father had difficulty managing and was "present intermittently" of his life, affecting their bond.

Stephen says bottling up emotions caused him to make "poor actions" when in his youth to alter how he felt, finding solace in substance use as a way out from the anguish.

"You turn to things that don't help," he says. "They might briefly alter how you feel, but they will eventually exacerbate the problem."

Strategies for Getting By as a New Father

• Talk to someone - if you feel overwhelmed, tell a trusted person, your partner or a professional about your state of mind. It can help to ease the pressure and make you feel less alone.
• Remember your hobbies - make time for the things that helped you to feel like you before the baby arrived. Examples include exercising, seeing friends or gaming.
• Don't ignore the physical health - a good diet, getting some exercise and when you can, sleep, all are important in how your mental state is coping.
• Connect with other first-time fathers - sharing their experiences, the challenges, and also the joys, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Remember that seeking help is not failure - prioritising your own well-being is the optimal method you can support your loved ones.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen understandably found it hard to accept the death, having been out of touch with him for years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's resolved not to "repeat the pattern" with his boy and instead provide the stability and emotional guidance he missed out on.

When his son is about to have a tantrum, for example, they do "shaking it out" together - processing the feelings in a healthy way.

Both Ryan and Stephen state they have become improved and more well-rounded men since they acknowledged their struggles, changed how they express themselves, and learned to regulate themselves for their children.

"I have improved at… sitting with things and dealing with things," explains Stephen.

"I expressed that in a note to Leo the other week," Ryan says. "I expressed, at times I think my purpose is to guide and direct you on life, but the truth is, it's a dialogue. I'm learning as much as you are through this experience."